5 Years of Marriage: Looking Back at Then and Now

Robert and I are coming up on our 5 year anniversary, and it’s safe to say, we’ve lived some life in that time! I am partnering with Solomon Brothers  jewelry and JCT Kitchen this month to celebrate anniversaries, which is why I wanted to tell our story. We actually got our diamond from Solomon Brothers and are browsing for our 5 year anniversary, so it was the perfect fit to do something different and fun together. Read our story, then pay attention to the end where I tell you what’s in it for you!

In a short synopsis, we have a 4.5 and 2.5 year old (yes, do the math or read the post), have lived in 3 houses, started my blog business, a few more job switches, had at least 1 ER trip per child, and acquired a cat. We joke all the time that during our brief courtship and wedding, we were strangers! We were in love, but definitely have built our foundation over these 5 years, rather than start out with one like some couples. But to each their own, we love our story and wouldn’t change any aspect of it at all. We started a family blog 2 years ago that tells our entire story in actual story format. We started from the beginning of when we first met and told our story all the way until Jackson was born, from each of our perspectives separately. I would love for you to read it HERE for the detailed background because it might help you get to know us way more in depth. In short, Robert and I met in February, started dating at the end of February, pregnant in June, engaged in August, planned a November wedding, and then welcomed our first born Jackson in February. We basically crammed most people’s 8-10 years in one year!

Long story short if you don’t want to go read our play by play journey:

I had just come back from living in New York City and working for Anthropologie and then a quick 5 months in Charlotte. I had lived some crazy times in my 20’s and was ready to settle down and felt a pull to come back to Atlanta where I grew up. I needed a job and a guy friend from college told me I was guaranteed being hired at a software sales company because they always want girls (it’s predominantly guys). I took the job with no sales experience and started on February 4th, 2013. Robert graduated with a degree in Finance in 2009 which was the worst time for that degree with the state of the country in a recession. He worked a few random but rewarding jobs like starting is own timber brokerage business and then helping underprivileged youth in the mountains. When the software job AirWatch came around, it was the right time for him as well. Robert and I both met after being single for the first time in about 12 years. We were both previously in very long relationships throughout our 20’s, then single for about a year; Robert was 28, I was 29. Meeting Robert was one of the most natural feelings and a pull I could never explain. I had always tried to control the outcome of my life previously and it blew up in my face. With Robert I had finally realized I wasn’t going to do that, but didn’t need to. He accepted me for who I was, and told me I did the same for him, when of course I didn’t even realize it. We are both unconventional in so many ways in life and are fine with going against the grain or being different, which is why our story fits us so well. Robert kept showing up in ways that I specifically looked for in someone. My entire life I had always said I wanted ‘more’ out of life. In previous relationships, something was always missing… I knew it was me, I just couldn’t ever explain it. I knew I was looking for more and couldn’t even explain what that more was.

Dating:

By the time we were dating, we knew what we were looking for, had a better idea of who we were, and were done playing games (for the most part lol). sidenote: The part where he chose not to talk to me the entire night while out with work friends pretty much sealed the deal for me. That and the rest of the details on the mini-break up, the why’s because of our past, and what exactly happened in Vegas, you learn in our posts HERE.

We dated officially for about 2 months before we were pregnant. It was a whirlwind, and a quick evaluation on what we wanted to do in life. We felt like we knew each other and since hindsight is 20/20… we did not. Ha! But the crazy thing is that we aren’t even those people any more. We are better people now because of our kids and because of each other.

Ring shopping at Solomon Brothers Jewelry:

Something we had talked about and went back and forth about was whether to have a wedding and all of that before our baby was born. I wasn’t a mom yet, but I just knew deep down that when that babe was born, we would not be living for ourselves and I would probably not even care. I wanted to set a foundation and celebrate us. So we did what traditional couples do, and got engaged. When it came to the ring, I wanted something different and actually found my setting early on. We then went to Solomon Brothers jewelry for our diamond. I remember the day we were up on that 17th floor (best views) and just thinking, well, here we go! They are great when walking you through the entire process and make you feel so comfortable, unlike sometimes when you go to jewelry stores, you feel pressure almost like a car sales lot. We looked at diamonds while we were there and talked over our price range to get a feel for what would be perfect for us.

Moving in:

We knew we had wanted this eventually, it was just going to be sooner than expected. [excerpt from our blog] ‘Robert began to sell his precious motorcycles to buy my engagement ring. One weekend Robert took all his clothes to the downstairs closet, went to Home Depot and bought a bunch of shelving, and basically made and gave me his closet. It was a tiny town home, in a somewhat sketchy part of town, with some of the best memories. We packed our lunches every day for months to save money, ate cookies together every night (pregnancy craving that Robert was supportive of), found new parks to take walks in, tried out new recipes, and began to have some traditions together. It was the beginning of our lives and I will always remember it fondly.’

The Wedding:

‘Our wedding was fun, a true celebration, and just magical. My dress was poufy and I was only starting to show a little bit, so it was cool to kind of forget that part and not stress about it, if only for one night, (trust me the heartburn never let me forget). I could not wait to start life officially with this person, knowing that only him and I were going to have these shared experiences together. To this day, we literally laugh out loud and that we did not know each other when we got married. We joke about ‘marry first, love later’ light heartedly because we just don’t take ourselves too seriously. Or currently, maybe we have been getting to know the people that marriage, children, parenthood, and true partnership has shaped us into. And I know life is not a fairy tale, especially with kids screaming (literally), but having it start out this way is a strong foundation. To truly feel like you are the lucky one. That is something I heard long ago and kept with me. So on our wedding day, I married a stranger while I was 5 months pregnant, and have been living my best life ever since.’

So then we were married, now what? I knew I wanted to be married, have kids, the picket fence, the whole 9. I wasn’t sure how to get there because I did it wrong in my 20’s, forced things, and didn’t listen to who I was or what I wanted. I wasn’t even sure about the fundamentals that makes a marriage. My parents were divorced and I was terrified of bringing children into that world in general. I didn’t want to mess someone else’s future up if I couldn’t even figure out my present. I was committed to the idea that my kids were going to have a wonderful example from their parents, so I needed to be all in and do it right. One thing I will say during these 5 years, is that I’ve figured that part out. I don’t always do it right, but I know what we need and how to live it. Marriage is one of the hardest things to do and it’s never done. It has to be worked at every single day. I definitely didn’t know this 5 years ago. Robert has shown me what loving unconditionally truly is, and teaches me what I lack in the communication department. He says that I have taught him patience and kindness. We have learned to talk through everything, but it definitely wasn’t always like this. We’ve had plenty of silent nights, days, weeks. Stubborn interactions going through the day’s motions with the kids. We had a really hard year last year on our marriage and I can’t even pinpoint why (it could’ve been a lot of factors: blog went full-time, kids turned 1 and 3, job factors with Robert’s commute), the only thing I can say is that it was just growing pains with life around us. After 5 years together, we have learned to squash an argument immediately. We understand the love language of the other person and have learned to do things differently than what we personally might prefer. Our love languages are very different as is our communication style, so this has helped to recognize that.

All those things weren’t there on day one after the wedding. We have figured it out. We aren’t perfect, we bicker, we have different ways of approaching a lot of things in life. We (ok maybe more me), put the children first a lot (I have to work on this daily, but I actively work to make sure everyone is a priority). I truly believe it’s in my DNA that I default to that, but have seen first hand with my parents that it can be detrimental… so I actively work at it. But we have figured out how to align ourselves to live the best life with each other. We always have said we are the perfect person together because of our opposites. When I get overly stressed or focused on things going wrong with the kids or bad days, Robert will make me laugh, and continues to because I tell him it works. Which funny enough, what a simple solution I had no clue how to communicate before him. I’m not saying we have all the answers, but we have our answers for now. We also know it’s important to adapt to the flow of life. Because anything can happen and we aren’t naive to this fact. We are choosing to be aware and actively grow together so we don’t grow apart. We are in the trenches now but eventually, a new phase will come and we will need to figure ourselves out when that time rolls around too. At 5 years we can look at our life and say that we are stronger together, and continue to be that way as we work at it.

After these 5 years we are going back to Solomon Brothers jewelry to signify a journey and milestone. A lot of couples add to their bands, upgrade their settings, or just get something a little special. Solomon Brothers jewelry is pretty well-known throughout Atlanta as the place to go for diamonds, for quality and value in what you get. That is why we went there when ring shopping, we knew from reputation and it seems so many of you on Instagram do as well. I had a lot of Atlanta people reach out saying this is where you have always gone too! I had found my setting early on since it was different and one of a kind, but that is where we took that and headed to Solomon Brothers for our diamond. I love my diamond, it’s beautiful, and what it signifies during the beginning of our journey.

So as Robert has reminded me that my yellow pear-shaped diamond dreams should probably be a 10-year thing, we are still going to do something special. Wait, I need to know why not again?

Last week we visited the Solomon Brothers jewelry team and shopped the showroom a bit. We definitely had some fun with some crazy huge settings, stacked a bunch up with my own ring, and re-enacted a 90’s commercial (not really but it seemed like it so we went with it). They have more than diamonds and engagement settings too. Solomon Brothers an array of bands that people come back for after the initial vows. Solomon Brothers Jewelry also have colored stones and other jewelry including earrings, necklaces, basically everything. You’re going to have to stay tuned this month to see what we come up with for us, but don’t worry, better yet, there’s something in it for you!

One lucky reader is going to have the chance to win an anniversary band from Solomon Brothers jewelry AND a date night out at JCT Kitchen! I’m really excited to be partnering with Solomon Brothers and JCT Kitchen this month with the theme of anniversaries, which is why I wanted to tell our story and to celebrate not only us, but you guys too! The giveaway will start on Thursday over on Instagram, so make sure you are following along. I will post then with ALL the instructions.

Thanks for reading and if you’re still up for it, come read our entire crazy story HERE. If you have your own story, I would love to hear it, share yours on my Instagram post HERE!