How I Deal With Mom Guilt and the Childcare Journey
This post is sponsored by Everywhere Agency on behalf of GEEARS: Georgia Early Education Alliance for Ready Students. However, all thoughts are my own. Thank you for supporting brands and institutions that allow City Peach to run full-time.
I have learned thus far in my journey through motherhood, that mom guilt sneaks around no matter what. I’ve talked on here before about the phases of my motherhood and how I’ve been the working mom, the stay at home mom, the work from home mom, then around to a different kind of working mom as the blog business was taking off. And I’ve learned you just have to do what is best for your own sanity and your children. You can peek at that post HERE so you have a little background and as kind of the end result in my childcare journey. But there has been a lot of factors leading up to the ‘home’ we found for our kids in a school, and boy, I do wish I knew certain things years ago. I have done so much research on my own when it came to needing someone to watch the kids. Because it wasn’t only that, for me it was a shift in lifestyle and an extension of Robert and I as parents.
When I first had Jackson, I was working in corporate America and we didn’t have a lot of flex in what decisions we had to make. I needed to continue working (the blog was only a baby too) and once I had Jackson, he was going to have to go to daycare. What’s crazy is that daycare centers in Atlanta have waiting lists… many of the good ones do. I started my search while pregnant and thank goodness I did that, because I was starting from scratch and I was overwhelmed. I literally visited 22 daycares in the Atlanta area… please picture me, pregnant in the winter, getting in and out of my car in a fur coat, visiting schools. I knew childcare was going to be a process, and I knew early on that I was going to be very selective about it, but of course now that I actually have two kids, I know a little more than I did then! So there is a program here in Georgia called Quality Rated that would have literally saved me all that legwork of research and time, and basically consolidated it down! Ha, that is part of parenting I suppose, to learn as you go, and as you find easier ways to do it all, share the wealth!
The Quality Rated system evaluates and rates high quality child care. All Quality Rated schools are independently evaluated by credentialed experts to make sure they are following the best practices, in many categories. By a school participating means they continually are making sure their school meets standards, like check points, so it’s not just a one time thing. If I knew even this in the beginning, I would have only followed the QR schools as the beginning of my list. Another part of it is that they will always be aiming to improve the school if a part of the system, and staying on top of the education they offer.
I remember thinking about actual education when Jackson was just a baby and being worried about it. Then I realized, I just wanted to find a place that had good staff with high standards. I wanted someone to love and hold him like I would. I also see though, that as children get older, they need different things out of childcare. When they are no longer a snuggly baby, but a crawling toddler interested in the world, I would want a school to be able to stimulate their growth and mind. So that is where the curriculum and education do come in, especially in a child care setting. Which all in all, the childcare setting can be so good for kids. I knew by sending my kids to school, they were cared for of course, they were going to learn everything from songs, to shapes, to ways of playing. But something big was being able to be social and play with others. That is a huge coping mechanism and always has been, for when I send my kids off into the world, lol. I think for me as a mother who is equally attached to my kids as they are to me, I need to know they are getting the best experience out of their day. I know that they need to go because it’s helping shape their whole being.
I know for a fact (and sometimes actually have to remind myself) that I will have mom guilt no matter what we are doing. In life when it comes to being the working mom away from them, to being at home with them every minute. It’s always there, so I work at reasoning with myself. But here are some actual ridiculous thoughts I have, that you might be able to relate to:
They went to bed too early? Did we spend enough time together. Did I give enough hugs. Do they miss me in their sleep. Should we have read another book.
Should I have denied them the extra treat while out? Maybe I should let them live a little bit because their happiness is so small and simple now, from what they know of the world. Will they feel left out in life because I am being strict. How will they behave in high school?
Should I have given them that treat? OMG are we having too much sugar. Do they know they can’t always get what they want. Will they feel entitled in life. How will their work ethic turn out.
Are they getting enough sleep? what if they are too tired and this is why they bounce off the walls
Do I need to get more educational toys or let them play with ipads?
Did I yell too much?
Did I not yell enough?
Should we have another baby so they have more siblings and not feel alone in life?
See, the mom brain can just be out of control, it’s actually hilarious to be typing it all out while thinking of it because then I’ll reread it and be like, we are crazy. So here’s what I do. Are my kids loved. Are they happy. Am I trying to give them the best diet? Am I helping them have what they need for this exact phase in life… whether that is activities, friends, treats every now and then, books/reading, love. I think we will survive!
So, if you are in the situation of possibly looking for a new place, or are moving into a new part of town (I cannot help you with your own crazy mom head questions lol), at least you can know that there is a tool out there for you, to help aid you in the process of looking for the perfect child care place for you. I just keep thinking, if I was in a new town, etc., I would have no idea where to start. I honestly love how the Quality Rated program gives you that starting point. Yes, you can still do the legwork, but feel like you are already choosing out of the best pool. You can search by location so it could cater to your commute. When certain schools come up within the system, you can view them based on safety and inspection reports, hours, pricing, and teacher credentials.
If in the future we ever have to leave the school we are at, or have another child, I will 100% be using this system. It’s at least a great little piece of info to know as a parent, and even share it with any new parents you might know. Have you guys heard of this yourself? What are the main things you look at when selecting someone to take care of your child? Or within a facility?
Check out this Child Care checklist from Quality Rated for some guidelines!
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