The InstaMom: Details behind the Social Media Mom
Where do I even begin. Maybe with the fact that I’ve been writing this InstaMom post for a year. For a million reasons. One of them is to get across exactly what this business is and how hard a ‘social media mom’ works. Another is to connect with you as the reader, and clear up any misconceptions. Or to understand this business a little more.
My days are spent juggling motherhood and building my own business where a huge part of it includes an online presence. A business where I wear all the hats. I am editor, writer, negotiator, subject, sometimes photographer, coder, marketer, advertiser, and sole creator of all ideas and content behind my website. I read contracts, I negotiate pay. I have to fight for myself. These are all aspects I basically learned as I went. There are no written out rules, we have been teaching ourselves and somewhat having to teach the industry as we all go. Some posts are free and some are paid. It isn’t uncommon for the most time consuming or fun posts to read, are unpaid. Our sponsored posts hold us over as we produce those as well. All to umbrella it under our own brand. Both should reflect who we are, and can be so different and all will have just as much heart in it. This is true for any InstaMom, blogger, writer, influencer.
I wanted to give you a peek into this world but also one as a mother. If I did this without kids, I would probably wake up and immediately work and not take any breaks. But I wake up to little birdies that need diaper changes, breakfast, hugs, and entertainment. My ideas will have to wait. This is why I jot down one million random thought notes. My emails will have to wait. Motherhood is my first job and it’s my favorite. But sometimes it’s hard to juggle both because one always suffers. I tow a line where I want to be the best mother possible at no expense. I don’t want to be on my phone or social media around my kids (unless I’m recording them to give even more glimpses behind the scenes of our real life). I juggle organizing my time and my presence. This is the life of the insta mom.
We will start at what even drives my Instagram content: It’s my actual blog site! I spend hours on each blog post. Not only with writing it but dreaming it, planning it, and then all the technical aspects of having a post go live. I’ve actually been writing this post in my phones notes for over a year. I work so hard on this dream and vision because there is honestly no alternative for me. I want it so badly I can taste it. I never choose sleep. I literally work until my body gives out. It might look easy or not a lot on the forefront but it takes over my 24/7. But that’s ok, this is what I want. This blog is my 3rd baby (ha, so there’s our answer for now to this blog post). I eat, sleep, and live it. Robert has to continually talk me off the ledge from either going crazy or having a breakdown. In the beginning it used to be questioning whether I wanted to continue doing this or not but then that quickly dissolved and eventually that was never an option. It’s not an option to give up there’s no turning back now. The points he makes always bring me back to center and I appreciate him so much for being able to do that for me. He tells me that being an entrepreneur is hard and sometimes there is no other support there except exactly what I’m doing and I just need to keep my head up and keep on.
I didn’t start a blog to do the instagram thing. I started my blog before it even existed. All I wanted to do was share my outfits and talk about them. Don’t get me wrong, no one is holding my head to the fire saying ‘GET ON INSTAGRAM AND LET IT TRY TO TAKE OVER YOUR LIFE’ lol, but… right now, Instagram is the name of the game… and so we play. It’s crazy how much emphasis is put on a layout of online life. How much time is spent on an app that tries to reflect real life but the bottom line is that it’s not. And it can’t be. For those of us in the visually creative space, think of Instagram as an online resume. One glance at our feed or a few scrolled photos, a brand instantly knows if they want to work with us. Invest in us. Scroll down a little more and a follower knows whether or not they want to follow us. Invest their time and their browsing. So I take it very seriously and know that it can be a reflection of the creative work I’m capable of. Whether it’s taking a collaboration and creating something different yet appealing with a brand’s product, or showcasing outfits that represent me or my brand. Everything reflects how you will handle their brand.
Then there is the time it takes to actually create a post on Instagram. The breakdown can be summed up here:
-edit specific photo in lightroom to match your feed (if applicable)
-transfer photo from computer to phone
-write copy in Notes section of your phone
-edit in lightroom mobile if you haven’t on your computer
-facetune app if you must (most people do)
-run photo through rewardstyle app (tagging outfit products can take awhile)
-open in Instagram, tweak a few things a tiny bit jus tin case IG big brother can tell that you are using their editing tools and miraculously bump your photo up in the algorithm
-copy/paste caption from Notes
-post photo
-like photo
-copy/paste relevant hashtags in first comment
-realize your sanity level as that just took 45 minutes
-consider posting an iphone photo because that process was just too ridiculous.
-spend another 30 min considering it, and decide not to
Yes, we are all products of our own environments. But refer back to above paragraph when questioning the absurdity of this. I’m certain people think a fashion blogger or Mom blogger just sit on Instagram all day. This cannot be farther from reality. I analyze trends. Watch my analytics. Stay relevant. Connect with industry people worth watching. Study what makes the larger bloggers successful. Pitch brands. Research brands. We do work all of the platforms as well, whether you know it or not.
Social media can have such a polarizing division of generations. People I grew up with aren’t as active on Instagram. It’s not the first thing you talk about when meeting someone or hanging out at a children’s bday party. Yet within my blogger world, your Instagram handle is the first thing you exchange. In a generation (or two) younger than I, Instagram is number one. Reluctantly for most of us, it’s where you stand status wise. People measure you, interact with you, contact you… by your number.
Working and Motherhood:
It’s crazy how as a mother you somehow become physically stronger and mentally weaker. You develop some superhuman physical strength and immune system. We as mothers can function on literally zero sleep or food. Yet the mind can get foggy and spacey and I would honestly forget my head if it wasn’t attached to me. But we make it all work. I’ve taken conference calls from everywhere from a hallway office at New York Fashion Week (because I really wanted to see this show as well as make the call work) to sitting outside the bathtub with the kids or at a pediatrician’s office. Just tonight (edit: a few weeks ago but this was from my journal of events), I held a sick baby and posted for a specific post that had to go out at a specific time. I’m sure I’m the anomaly for the ridiculous bedtime, but our bedtime is from 7-10. This involves eating, chasing, running up and down stairs, making sure hands are washed, bodies washed, milk given so no one wakes up hungry (just in case). Onto teeth brushing wrestling. Diaper changing flipping. Book reading fighting. Laying in bed while they toss to go to sleep. And all of this in my world happens while the rest of the world scrolls in bed as they settle in. 9pm is prime post time. I need to be there. Yet chaos is on my end. I have literally been reading a bedtime story while editing a post. If I’m not careful I might lose track of living in the moment and living for my blog rather than just living and blogging about it. I have definitely gotten caught up in that and had to step back and re-evaluate myself and how I’m running my business. About a year ago, I wasn’t sure where the blog ended and our life began. I didn’t have office hours and work ran into life. I wasn’t present enough with the kids because I was always playing catch up. I made the decision then to take this blog full-time even though it already was. This wasn’t an easy decision and took a lot of planning to even get it there (and of course years of hustle). I needed office hours and the kids needed school. The deal was that the business had to cover that. And for the longest time, I was breaking even. I had even been honest with brands when negotiating contracts in why I had to hold strong on my rates. I would tell them that I am trying to build my dream and part of my business is my time. I am paying for childcare so I can focus on their brand and give them the best possible results from our collaboration. It was always well-received and I think they appreciated the honesty. Because that’s exactly what it was. A new struggling business. Once I took that plunge, I made sure that work was 9-5 and stopped on Friday. I edit and have my posts completely ready so that when 9pm comes around, I can post and put my phone down for the night (or when I fall asleep in a child’s bed, not be mad at myself for not posting). This is what is working for me now, and honestly I am a much better mother and happier person. I’m not frustrated because I feel like things are getting behind, I am on top of deadlines. I choose not to post on weekends and therefor, be completely present. I know to the outside person, all of this might sound literally insane. But that is just the aspect of putting your name out there among the rest of them. If you don’t do it, someone else will be. So at least don’t have any regrets. The online world doesn’t stop though. Someone is always online scrolling, and someone else will always be online posting. I can’t be. As a mother, I work to find that work-life balance. A life with my kids, my husband, activities, friends and a working business. I have had to fight with myself sometimes that I can’t comment on everyone’s photos, just do the best I can, and be ok with that. And this is why I’m just going for it, with my own spin.
The InstaMom Workday:
I do wish I had co-workers sometimes. That I don’t even realize how much I feel that way until I’ll hear an encouraging message from a friend or a random joke text from your best friend and literally think omg that was so refreshing I feel alive again I can do this! And blogger events usually bring new life into me as well and always leave feeling so inspired! I don’t have a measure of success most days. As my worst critic, I feel like I’m floundering often. I don’t have a boss that gives me quarterly reviews or feedback or an evaluation. I am the boss and I’m pretty hard on myself. Success in blog world can be subjective. Literally every time I want to quit (Robert gives me a pep talk talking me off many ledges) but I’ll get a LIKEtoKNOW.it regram. Which generates sales. Or a brand will regram me. Both giving me enough confirmation to keep moving. A reminder that I’m doing something right. Followers are up and some days they are down. I learned long ago to not watch that and definitely not watch who specifically unfollows you. I stopped when a former co-worker unfollowed me when I first started blogging. You know these stats by specific apps. I stopped checking after that. The other side of me doesn’t care. But brands come at you when you have an engaged audience. And no matter what people say, they look at that larger follow number. We all hate it. We are all slaves to the process. But we do it because we are trying to create something and to pursue our dreams. It might seem so ridiculous to talk so much about an app. Or even a job that becomes a lifestyle. And it might even seem to outsiders that I put way too much emphasis on being online present. 1. This is how I’m making a living at the moment. How I’m taking care of my family. Being my own boss. Being home for my kids when they need me. And 2. I am on wayyyy less than some people. Which is crazy to me to even fathom because even I feel like I’m online too much. One thing I know and I have to be ok with from time to time. Is that I’m ok with not being on all. The. Time. With doing what I can. Taking needed breaks. With not being everywhere, being everyone’s friend, everyone’s support system, or everyone’s follower. I can’t at the risk of my own sanity.
The Instagram Deal:
The likes and interactions you give unfortunately reflect the amount you get. This is not true to everyone, but there is definitely a direct correlation. Which duh, I get that. But I’m not looking to influence other influencers. And while I love inspiring other bloggers outfitting wise, I really want to help the self-proclaimed ‘style challenged’. Those that want help and seek it out! The other side of that is that even as I reserve time to do this, there is never enough. It’s exhausting. It’s probably my least favorite part of it all and so many parts of it go against my being. Do we sell our soul with our social media obsessions? With wanting the greatest following, high numbers, engagement, picture perfect content? Possibly. But you have to pay to play to an extent in this world. And I battle constantly with staying true to myself and trying to stay relevant and keep up. Not necessarily with things, but to stay relevant or in people’s feed to grow the business! Taking the time to scroll your feed and online friends is something I struggle with daily because I’ve been so laser-focused on my own content/emails/brand. But networking is 50% of it!
Here is my ask of you, the reader and follower:
We as bloggers/online influencers need your engagement. I’m sure it’s redundant at this point, but this is how our content is measured. How brands know a product or campaign is well-received. Or to know a community each of us are creating is genuine. I have conversations on my dm’s all day long to which I love my community of ‘stylish’ moms, women, girls are creating. That is behind the scenes, and don’t get me wrong, amazing! But if that can be reflected on blog post comments, Instagram photo likes and comments, or even Facebook shares, that is helping grow a business and giving the utmost support. I’m just asking you to please click. Please engage. Or even a quick like or comment here and there. I can’t do this without you and I’m grateful you are even following along. But please give me a click.
-if you like the content, like the post
-if you are inspired by the idea/outfit, like the post
-if you like the person, like the post
-if you don’t like the content, like the post anyway lol
-LIKE THE POST
Because everyone will have their different reasons that they are a follower. Some people come for inspiration. Some people are there because they are your friends. Some people believe in your work. Some people believe it or not ‘hate follow’ and watch closely but don’t interact… sadly, it’s definitely a thing.
I have made this my job for a few reasons. I’m a Gemini and love a creative-type environment that is always changing. I’ve had so many jobs throughout my life including the fast-paced environment of retail, flight attendant, store manager, sales rep all with a political science city planning degree. I fully believe I needed the backing of what all of those lessons of life has taught me to do what I’m doing now and run my own business for myself. But everything is on the line and it is competitive and hard out there to successfully thrive and survive. It’s absolutely terrifying but I’ll be able to show my kids that I went for it.
This is my dream. Ive said before not necessarily blogging or the insta life. I know Instagram isn’t forever and part of me is relieved. But to create content. To style. To be creative. To create a dream from ground zero out of nothing. To show my kids I did this for them. For myself. I can’t stop now. We will all have to change with the necessary changes and roll with the punches. I appreciate the support of this community we have created together and want to thank you so much for following along. Instamom today, so much more tomorrow.
Photos by: Viva Lux Photography
Along this journey, I have found some amazing blogger friends who have become some of my closest friends. They are all genuine, talented, driven women and I cherish those friendships. Sherri (from Rage Against The Mom Jean) is one of the gems I have met along the way and she is always the perfect person to hang with or have her let you eat all her girls scout cookies!
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