To My Georgia, the greatest pup

I said goodbye to her this morning, a day I always knew would be filed in the back of my mind as far away. I’m writing this saying goodbye post mainly for me, so thank you if you love us enough to read it. A year ago her heart murmur got progressively worse, and she started medication. She had a slight murmur for about 5 years, but it was never an issue until last year when I think one of the valves was fatiguing. It caused the beginning stages of congestive heart failure. It was every day medication that helped her blood pressure for her enlarged heart, and then an ’emergency pill’ as we called it for whenever too much fluid would enter her lungs. I was pregnant and needed her with me still. I also knew she had a little bit of life left in her, so every day for a year, I gave her medicine, I took her out way more often, and I was up with her every night as she wandered scratched to go out, and jump on and off the bed. It was killing me mentally as it was exhausting, but I needed her more than the maintenance it was becoming. And I know she wasn’t ready to leave yet.

Saying Goodbye

This weekend she told me it was time. I agonizingly went back and forth whether it really was time, whether I was selfish for keeping her here with me, or selfish for letting her go. Thank you to everyone that I’ve been messaging this weekend just listening to me go back and forth, or just offer kind words or memories. Friday night, she had a coughing fit which was normal as of late, and usually she jumps off the bed. This time she came straight to me, was looking me in the eyes, and couldn’t stop. It’s like she was coming to me to tell me it was time. I took her to the vet Saturday morning and this vet who I had never met before, talked to me for 45 minutes. We went back and forth, he told me stories of his own life, raising kids, his experiences, and just listened to me cry. I am so thankful for Dr. Esbeck at Sawnee Animal Hospital, they don’t even realize. I wanted to shout him out because they got me in on a busy day, and were so kind.

This past year, I would watch her constantly. I would make sure her breathing was normal. I could hear her heart pump from across the room. It would give me so much anxiety mainly because she was my baby, but because I was so nervous she was uncomfortable, or that her heart would just give up all of the sudden. This morning I feel a deep deep heart wrenching pain and hole in my heart, but I also feel relief that she is no longer struggling or uncomfortable.

I got Georgia when I was 25. I wanted a Cavalier King Charles all my life, and did so much research to find a good breeder. We drove down to Georgia from Charlotte to go check out a new litter. There were a ton of new puppies running around, and she was one of the older ones at 4 months old. I thought I wanted this 2 month old named Charlene lol, who kept hiding under a table. Georgia kept coming up to me and sitting in my lap, I know she chose me that day. She took me from lost girlhood and gently guided me into adulthood. She saw me at my most broken and was there for the hardest times of my life. She is the one that got me through it and I know I was stronger because of her. She was my security and what calmed me every night. She made 8 moves with me, from within Charlotte, up to New York, back to Charlotte, then back home to Georgia. She was there for self discovery and figuring out my path through a lot of trial and error. We met so many wonderful people along the way, if you spent time with her, thank you for loving her.

From those first few years in Charlotte, I took her to dog parks and open fields. I used to walk her around this country club in Charlotte and explore for literally hours, taking new streets, and imagining our future life. I worked at Carolina Place Mall Abercrombie as my first Charlotte job, and would come home every lunch break and throw the ball to her at the tennis courts just to wear her out. When I worked late hours at Abercrombie, I had a dog walker go see her when I couldn’t be home for long stretches. She was there in the passenger seat for the 13 hour middle of the night drive, moving my entire life up to NYC to live. On my days off, we would wander the city together for hours, I would just explore so many neighborhoods and streets with her. When we first moved there, she would not use the bathroom on the concrete and I would sneak to this tiny patch of grass, lift her over this small fence, and let her pee. I got caught by the building super so many times and he would run outside and yell at me as I was running away. It took me 4 months to train her to pee on the street, and ever since, she rarely used the grass… even when we left NYC. She always preferred the cement from there on out. I remember I joined a Cavalier meet up group in Manhattan (I know I was very extra), and the funny thing about Cavaliers, is that they prefer people to other dogs. So during these meetups every Cavalier would be standing by their owner, rarely ever playing with any other dog. Needless to say, I never met anyone else on these outings lol. During my single days when I would go out in Charlotte or Buckhead, she would bark or just sit by the door until I came home that night. She was my gmail photo when I started work at AirWatch, which Robert said prompted our first conversation, asking me about my dog. Georgia happily went along with any blog campaign I needed her in, and would take any photo and just sit patiently. When the kids were tiny, they could put their face right up to hers, and take a treat right out of her mouth, she was the most kind and gentle dog, and the only one I trusted fully around my kids. Every single life event, she was there. When I flew home to visit I had a little carrier that I would sneak her in, and somehow get by security without a note. I think they just figured I either paid for her or had a note, and never checked me. I was definitely attached to her as much as she was attached to me. I took her on so many adventures and so many places through these last 12 years. I literally brought her everywhere, it was just her and I for so many years. She watched me grow and find my way and through that, stayed my constant.

In her last moments this morning, I thanked her for getting me here. A life I created with her, that I used to wander around New York feeling so lost in our daily walks talking to her, to a life she got to help me build. I thanked her for waiting to meet all my children, and for loving them, despite them taking some of the time that was once hers. I thanked her for being the most incredible dog and best friend anyone could ask for.

I know she held on as long as she could, and although I would still need and want her forever, I think she knew I would be ok. She was calm and comforting as we said goodbye, just as she always was every day of her life. I will never forget her, as she is a part of who I am, but it will take some getting used to not having here by my side physically and mentally. I hope her spirit lives in my happy memories and millions of photos that she I loved her more than anything.

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Have you ever experienced saying goodbye to a pet? Let me know in a comment below.